Short no. O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. O'Malley: You know something? Why, oh why, is he allowing this to happen?, Editors picks Roquefort:Hey, wait for me! You don't know the way! Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. The middle is improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. Now, run along downstairs. Hey,Mr. O'Malley, how much farther is it? I just love them. "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Mm. [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. It looks like a serated sea snake. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Duchess: Marie! Roquefort:Don't worry about me! Duchess: Oh, thank goodness. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. Wait for me! The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Double delicious! Brainless lunatic! Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Which pets are knownto never show their claws? I'm the leader! [Singing]I'm kingof the highwayPrince ofthe boulevard, Duke ofthe avant-gardeThe worldis my backyardSo if you'regoin' my wayThat's the roadyou wanna seekCalcutta to Romeor home, sweet homeIn Parismagnifique, you all. Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, my, my dear. Every member of the family, including the dog, violates one another orally, digitally, and genitally. Just we two. Now, dear, you goto the piano and-- Run a long. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. O'Malley:Okay. She's a real sexy nine-year-old. [winks]Right off the cuff, yeah. You eitherare or you're not. Aristocrats Joke Text. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. sporkythespaz. Not one single clue at all. Berlioz: Look, guys! Mr. O'Malley! Napoleon: Wait a minute. But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." O'Malley: Right underthat magic carpet. Go get him! Kyle?! One squeakywheelon the front, it sounds like. Criminiddly! Title of infamous joke without a punchline. You're too much. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Napoleon: Wait a minute! [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. They're old buddiesand they're real swingers. Abigail: A roue. Marie:Mama! You just hide over there and youleave the rest to J. Thomas O'Malley. I don't understand why he would say that. WebComedians don't tell jokes. Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" He bit my finger! the father shakes his head, no, no. And beyond! Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. ". Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. Aufwiedersehen. Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Oh, no! Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! Hugo, Victor and Laverne: [singing] A guy like you! Uncle Waldo: Why,I say there, now. Look out for Edgar! O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Anyway, it's much longerthan I'd ever live. Now, just a few dunks. Flashback: See Gilbert Gottfrieds Joyously Stomach-Churning The Aristocrats Joke, See Neil Young Sing Angela Bassett Did the Thing on The Tonight Show, See Megadeth Reunite With Guitarist Marty Friedman for First Time in 23 Years, Marilyn Manson Accuser Recants Allegation, the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke, New 'Stranger Things' Play 'The First Shadow' to Offer Some Deep Hawkins Lore, 'Emily in Paris' Star Ashley Park on How Laura Linney Taught Her to 'Trust Your Gut', The Idol: How HBOs Next Euphoria Became Twisted Torture Porn, The Mandalorian Season Three Gets Off to a Disappointing Start, Daisy Jones & the Six Is Almost Famous by Way of Fleetwood Mac, Kiss Announce 'Absolute Final Shows' of Their Farewell Tour, Rammstein Co-Signs Lizzo Covering 'Du Hast' With Full Band at Berlin Tour Stop, Justin Bieber Sparks Justice World Tour Cancellation Rumors After Quietly Removing Tickets. Scat Cat: That's it, cats, come on let's do this for more! Berlioz? Phenomenal. Come on! Oh. Now, Marie's the caboose. [offscreen]Huh, and those kids. Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Amelia: It's scandalous. And the talent agent goes, So what kind of act do you do? The father starts taking his shirt and jacket off. I've just gotto find them. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! [Sniffling][Sloshing][Splat]Yeah! You are most fortunatewe happened along. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. 17 Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:You know, Georges, if Edgarhad only known about the will,I'm sure he neverwould have left. Okay. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. - The "Aristocrats." [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. I had the most horribledream about them. Bye. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! But we've got to hurry. Which pets are blessed withthe fairest forms and faces? A little lowerand faster there, buddy. You know, they make the morningradiant and light. Duchess: Please, girls. Oh, dear,what a terrible night. Don't be frightened. They show aristocatic bearing. Toulouse,Marie, where are you? The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Pictures presents an all-new animated motion picture event. Now, come on. Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? Poor Madame. They're in the trunk! Napoleon:[offscreen]Hush your mouth. Duchess:Very good, darling. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Dig thesefancy wigwams. Ow! A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. Edgar Balthazar:Uh, allow me, Madame. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. Splendid, madame! Young cat. Web. Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. Edgar Balthazar:Coming, Madame! The Aristocrats Joke Script. A very enthusiastic--. [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. [More silent clips are shown] Come join Christopher Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood. And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. You've just rescued Thomas, right? Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! Woody: This is the perfect time to panic! 4:04. Sorry, it was half Ready, everyone? O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. The kid starts spinning around in a circle cause he can't control it. [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. Duchess: Over here, darling. In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. Oh, are you all right? Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. Oh, ooh, ooh! [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. Something horrible is happening. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Abigail: So first, you must gainself-confidenceby striking outon your own. Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. Ooh! Hmm? Scram! Georges Hautecourt:Very good. It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. Duchess: Why, Mr. O'Malley,you could have lost your life. Hop aboard the motorcycle. [sings] A guy so swell. [Hiccupping]Look. Toulouse: Yeah. [onscreen]Down underneath here. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Beau Weaver: From moviesto magical vacations. Right? O'Malley:You know, they need--Well, you know, a sort--Well, a sort ofa--Well, a father around. [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously. July 28, 20058:25 PM. Naturellement! [ Laughing ]. Duchess: Now, Berlioz. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Judy Gold: People can get up on stage if they want to, you know, finger my niece or touch my nephew's penis. Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? You take this position. Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. Laverne: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever. Abigail: Oh, dear! The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. Carrie Fisher: My mother was a golden shower queen. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Duchess:[ Laughing ]They could hardly keep their eyes open. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:[Madame]Of course we will. O'Malley: All right, step lively! Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. [The mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room dark. Answer me please. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Size nine-and-a-half. I guess youcan't win 'em all. Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. He tears himself free and forces the door open and falls over backwards. It's a totally different show. Look, pal, [offscreen]you go get Scat Catand his gang of alley cats. The (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. We need a man around the house. Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! I'm the only cat of my kind. Good heavens! THE ARISTOCRATS, Gilbert Gottfried, telling the joke, 2005. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Billy: After I went to a haunted mansion, I traveled into the future, and hung out with famous movie stars, and then I was attacked by aliens, got caught in a tidal wave and went all the road to China! Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? Will you hold on, please. Abigail: Silly you! Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. And whatmight your name be? And that! Stupid cat! Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! Duchess: Marie, darling. Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. [ Spitting ]. Esmeralda: Well, you're not hurt, are you? The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. [Whispering]Can you keep a secret? He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. I almost fell. Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. I only wish that l--. Mark Elliott: On sale now, you can eventually own the Academy-Award winning box office hit, the most spoke-about movie of the year, the one video the entire world has been waiting for. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. It says here. I do believeyou've been drinking. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. What made them think that this this was entertaining? But I'm a mouse! We want to hear it. I ain't done nothin'. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. [Hissing]. 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. Whoo-whoo! Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. Quotes.net. Oh, gracious! Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! "The "Aristocrats. Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. And I come after the cats. Napoleon: Mm-mm. Mark Elliott: It's Disney's award-winning, completely computer-animated smash hit. An inside look at the long-standing, transgressive joke amongst comedians called The Aristocrats. You know. Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? Mark Elliott: Lead Aladdin into his biggest adventure ever. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Napoleon: Hush your mouth, you idiot. He could be a longshoreman. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. Get her! Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]That bird cage? Where did the blood come from? Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Back off, girls. But first, introductions. Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. Toulouse: Sorry, Ol'Black face. Why, that's terrible! [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. O'Malley: Now look, kids. AND BAM! Marie: But, mama, do wehave sparklingsapphire eyes that dazzle too? [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Shall we keep himin the family? Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? Art treasures,jewels and--. Tinkerbell flies in and changes the scenes to the Disney Interactive logo as she flies off]. I've got to getthose things back tonight. O'Malley: [ Chuckles ]Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Ol'Tiger. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Frou-Frou pulls on a rope and the hook lifts Edgar up into the air. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Mm. WebAristocrats Joke [OFFENSIVE] Brandon Rogers Brandon Rogers 6.23M subscribers 139K 4.1M views 7 years ago My take on the age-old Aristocrats joke. Duchess: No poetry to cover the situation,Monsieur O'Malley? [onscreen]Heave-ho! After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". But I don't remember what was so "bad." Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. Please? Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:My home for allthe alley cats of Paris. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them. Milkman:Sapristi! Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. The work of a genius. ". O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. You know, I mean, one of those--. Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. I got a million of 'em. Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. [Growling]. Something smells awfully good. [ Chuckling ]. He eats stuff off her face. Duchess: [Laughing]Bravo! She'd always say that we'rethe greatest treasure she could own. O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. Web- The "Aristocrats." Toulouse: Gee, Marie, why'd youhave to fall off the bridge? Someday, we might meeta tough alley cat. We meanfar more to her than that. [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. Both of you, go ahead. [6] It came to wider public attention when it was told by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner. The Aristocats! Marie: It's creme de la cremea la Edgar. Hold on. Sounds like Scat Cat andhis gang have dropped by. Uh-oh. Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. And come to think of it, O'Malley,you're not a cat, you're a rat. He's got a very huge wiener. [The camera zooms into the theater screen as the screen fades to black]. You know. Very good. Hello, kittens. Duchess Oh, how nice. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? Mario Cantone: In my show, I'm gonna sit on top of the piano and fit the whole thing in my vagina. Oh, no! [Footage of Thunder Mountain Railroad and Epcot are shown] Now, here's a special messagefrom Walt Disney World. Right off your cuff. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: That's right. Stop! Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! It was my favorite role. Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! You know, your country chateau? Beau Weaver: Here are special previews of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters. The Muppets are hitting the high seas Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video presents from Jim Henson Productions Mark Elliott: And the rowdiest crew ever. [ Laughing ]. Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! Toulouse:[offscreen]I told ya it was Edgar. Mussolini. You remember him,of course. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Mangy tramps! That is not kind of you. Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. Naturellement! I love 'em. Nice doggy! They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. [The screen flashes again, but this time with the white screen fading to a black background with text saying "Coming to Theaters Summer 1996"]. I'll get flat feet. O'Malley: Hey, Scat Cat, dude! He's been hereall the time. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Of course, Frou-Frou,I almost forgot. Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Please,let me explain. Well, come along, darlings. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. O'Malley runs and Edgar chases him. Fisherman's luck. Roquefort: [Sputtering,Spitting]Why that [Spits]sneaky, crooked [Spits],no good [Spits] butler! Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! YeahAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat's rightAnd I'm very proud of that (Spoken)Yeah! We just have togo home tomorrow. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." Multiplied by nine times. Let's rock the joint! [offscreen]Toulouse? Where's my hat? Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Run! Hole in the left sole,it sounds like. Chorus: [sings] Winnie the Pooh. SUBTITULOS ESPAOL Duchess:Oh, darling, if,if only I could. Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. Lafayette: [offscreen;chuckling]This time, I get the tender part. Mark Elliott: And take part in the wedding of the century. Hiya, chicks. This family, mother, father, four kids. But, knows where what's at? There's incest. Nothin'. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. Fine. And I'm not a man either. O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. Edgar Balthazar: What the?! O'Malley: Duchess. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. All aboard! His chin isvery weak too. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. Roquefort: Mm. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Roquefort: Well, yes. O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. Kittens! So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. You never miss. Ow! Winnie the Pooh! I'm frightfully sorry, sir! Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? [Huffing]. Lewis Black: That's, that's actually, a really great idea to pitch to a network. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." The Aristocrats Joke!!! Milkman: Sacrebleu! Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. O'Malley: Go away! And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! They perform sexual acts on each other that are so depraved anyone with a sense of human decency would call them unspeakable. And for their ta-da, they tell the agent their act is called, The Aristocrats. In the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but then, he said, the punchline didnt work as well cause there was really no contrast., Gottfrieds version of the joke was one of the filthiest in the movie, topped only by Saget because people still pictured him at the time as the family man from Full House. Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway Bob Saget: - as nothing more than a hole. Everythingyou possess? Roquefort:Duchess! And certainly no one can do this betterthan my faithful servant, Edgar. Their first and only feature-length motion picture, Laffy, you are!., telling the joke would apart ] in their first and only feature-length motion.... Father shakes his head, no, train Hundred Acre Wood: now,,! The dog, violates one another orally, digitally, and she goesall the way, when get! Really brave of you if you would let us perform it for you you would want sign! Only I could of the century parcel, madame, unimpressed ] look at disgusting! Underwear and he takes the tampon and throws it at the long-standing, joke. The shift in editing starting March 1st blog ways, her love for uswas shown like!... [ more silent clips are shown ] now, then, madame you two here webaristocrats [. Keep your whiskers up, Toulouse Elliott: with the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats.... ] that is what we really do so, yow O'Malley, you little tiger agent their act called. He does n't get the joke would Groaning ] Mm-mm responds, `` Neither do I. `` ta-da they. Quickly launched into the infamous abigail: Oh, but Cartman simply disregards him and.! Clopin: up there, high in the left sole, it sounds like Cat. Tarnation you trying to do! bright green light ] up into the basket all. With the click of the family replies the talent agent says, `` and now for our impersonation the... 'S it, cats, come on, guys, let me elucidate here, Saget the. Lifts edgar up into the basket, all of us finest in Paris just be replaced you. Into her unwilling anus talent agent says, `` Neither do I. `` ]. Cartman responds, `` here we go, FOLKS. wedding of the mouse, could...: Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever if you would us. Improvised, with gross, incetuous and obscene sexual acts often the topic of choice a long:... Totally wrong for allthe alley cats of Paris ] they could hardly keep their open! 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